In the early days of my marriage, I nagged and complained a lot. With 3 little boys in the house and a full time job, it was impossible to keep the house clean. I’d go into these cleaning frenzies and start complaining and yelling about messes and not being anyone’s maid. And everyone in the house would try really hard to steer clear of the crazy lady with her loud mouth and her broom.
I’d nag Erik and the boys about all types of things; about what they were doing or hadn’t done but were supposed to do. And because of the baggage that I brought from my first marriage, the way that I’d respond to Erik during a disagreement, a misunderstanding or sometimes over nothing was often unwarranted and completely undeserved.
I was at a women’s retreat in Pennsylvania when I learned just how wrong my behavior was. The bible talks a lot about the tongue and how powerful this tiny organ can be. James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” and Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Now this was not what I was doing when it came to my family and God used a woman named Nancy, who was also at the women’s retreat, to help me realize it. Now Nancy had the gift of prophecy, and the image that God showed her of me was one with a literal zipper on my mouth. When Nancy shared this vision with me, I knew exactly what God was saying to me. I needed to zip it and stop all the things that were flowing out of my mouth so freely, especially the things that I was saying to my husband.
Proverbs 12:18 says that “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” I was doing so much damage to my marriage with my tongue without even realizing it. In doing so, I was also allowing all the past abuse from my previous relationship along with the fighting and craziness of my childhood infiltrate my marriage and our family life.
Proverbs 18:21 says that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.”
Now “death” does not always have to mean literal death. It can mean the death of a relationship or a marriage, a lost or wasted opportunity, something that has been hurt, broken, or destroyed. The saying, “sticks and stones will hurt my bones but words will never hurt me” is a total lie. Stones absolutely hurt but so do words. They diminish and wound you and can cause the type of hurt that takes a long time to overcome and heal from. In the same way, words can speak life, they can save and uplift you. As believers, we not only have to believe that Jesus is Lord but we have to confess it with our mouths. Romans 10:9 says If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” These words give life; they save us from who we were and make us into what we are in Christ.
Life and death; that’s a lot of power for the tongue to wield. James 3:7-8 tells us that “All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” Does this mean we’re all hopeless and are destined to fail at controlling what comes out of our mouths? Hopeless no, doomed to fail, maybe. For this reason, the phrase “Rebuke it” is one that you will hear a lot in my family. When we fail and speak negatively about our lives or that of those around us, when we say things like, “I am never going to…or they are always going to…or it’s impossible” we rebuke the words and cancel them out so that they lose their destructive power because with God…everything is possible!
Who is God asking you to zip it up for? Who in your life may need words of encouragement or words of life? Is it yourself? Are you using your words to destroy or curse anyone? What things have you said over yourself or others that need to be rebuked and canceled out; that need the power drained from them? May our gracious Father bless you and give you the strength, grace, and wisdom to speak life over yourself and others!